The Rubber Spider
by Plaid Voodoo Doll
Summary: Zoro is at port and happens to have a bit of extra cash on him. Feeling rather in a mischievous mood and forced to tag along with Usopp to a joke shop he opts to buy a rubber spider rather than his usual liquor. Sequel to Spider in the Kitchen.


ForRanchan-akari, who so desperately wished for a sequel to Spider in the Kitchen. Here it is, my dear.

**Title:** The Rubber Spider

**Alternate Title:** The Other Use For Rubber

**Author: **Plaid Voodoo Doll

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer: **One Piece is not mine. Not mine.

**Pairing: **ZoroxSanji

**Summary:** Zoro is at port and happens to have a bit of extra cash on him. Feeling rather in a mischievous mood (and forced to tag along with Usopp to a joke shop) he opts to buy a rubber spider rather than his usual liquor.

**A/N: ** The alternate title is my actual title, but wants the title G and I wasn't sure if that was too suggestive, so to be safe. Sanji seems a bit OOC here... hmmm....

There Zoro stood in front of the joke shop. The window blared its insanities at him in an unappealing manner. Or perhaps he was just not the type interested in this sort of thing and that was why he found it ridiculous. He couldn't remember why it was he was walking down the street with Usopp, of all people, rather than in a bar somewhere getting wasted.

He sighed, watching the inventors slender little body jump about in excitement over every little thing. Since he was not in the shop he couldn't hear anything Usopp was saying, but it obviously was praise for what ever he was being shown.

Oh well, he may as well go in and fetch the sniper before he pissed himself from excitement. Zoro, with as much disgust as he could muster, took a step into the shop. The sound of toys and music assaulted his ear and the smell of rubber and smoke worked on his nose. He had to pause for a moment to catch up with it all. Once steadied he went further inside.

Eyes set on Usopp, he walked further inside. Suddenly, something caught his eye. He turned to the left just as a huge spider dropped out of no where and hung menacingly in his face. Its mandibles quivered slightly and it's legs did a strange sort of midair dance. It bounced a couple of times in front of his vision before stilling. He reached up and pulled the spider, snapping the string that held it on the ceiling. Despite its looks, the thing was not fuzzy at all. In fact it was mostly smooth, except for the hair like bumps covering its body. The spider did not move at all, and its shiny eyes stared blankly at him.

A dark, almost evil grin curled over his feature. It was perfect. How long had it been since that time? Such a beautifully docile Sanji. Oh how he craved for one now. The cook had been unbearable the past few days. Perhaps he was on his man period or something. Not that it mattered. Zoro took the rubber spider with him as he walked toward Usopp.

Sanji growled as he ever so carefully chopped vegetables for a stew. His hands worked quickly, the knife cutting through smoothly. Vegetables were flawlessly cut, and thrown into the boiling water in order of the amount of time it would take for them to become soft.

Stupid marimo.

Stupid swordsman.

Stupid Zoro.

Did Sanji have to spell it out for him? Probably, the man was an idiot. Why wasn't it that Zoro could read his looks? Why did he always seem to wander away when Sanji invited him. And what about those stupid crew mates of his, always demanding things. Luffy wanting food. Chopper demanding Zoro's attention or guidance. There were even moments when he felt like telling Nami and Robin to get their own damn food. That he'd like to have a few moments of peace, of alone time with Zoro. But that could never happen. The relationship was secret.

What relationship? God damn it, all they ever seemed to do was fuck. No talking. No nothing. Just a quick fuck and back to normal. Sure he would have liked to have something a bit different, but at the moment his hormones and his libido craved sex. It had been much too long and he was growing extremely irritable. He knew this because he had actually snapped at Nami earlier when he couldn't find Zoro.

"Damn," he grumbled, throwing some cabbage into the pot.

He nearly jumped out of his skin as he felt fingers brush against his sides and coarse lips against his neck. In fact, he would have hit who ever it was had not his body betrayed him by leaning into the broad chest behind him and his own mouth letting escape a quiet whimper. "Aho," he said softly, his voice sounding strangely strangled.

"Shit cook," came the even reply. Sanji said nothing to this, simply relaxed as Zoro held him, arms wrapped lightly about that slender waist. The door behind them opened. Zoro slipped easily away as Luffy walked in. Zoro brushed passed the captain as Sanji began chucking anything near him, that wasn't food, at them both.

"Guess dinner isn't ready then," Luffy said as he ran out of the kitchen. And now Zoro was gone too. God damn it all. Damn it all to hell.

Sanji knew he was getting desperate. Why? Because he was actually contemplating crying out because of this plastic spider which stared blankly at him. It sat on his pillow, not moving. There wasn't a single twitch from it. He wasn't afraid of it. Not really. At first he had been, but then he realized it wasn't real. Didn't mean he was going to touch it anytime soon though. He thought about the last spider incident and only one person would have enough guts or even the motive to play this sort of trick on him.

Finally he made his decision. He backed up against a wall and let himself slide down. He placed his hands over his head and made a soft, whimpering sound. He didn't have to wait too long for the perpetrator to come investigate.

Zoro lifted the fake spider from Sanji's bed, while Sanji silently stood and made his way over to the door, pretending to wish for escape when he was really locking the door. Zoro just threw the thing into the corner and turned toward Sanji. The blonde threw himself into Zoro, his arms wrapping around the green haired idiot neck, knocking them both into Sanji's bed.

They lay quietly like this for a long while. Zoro gently stroked Sanji's hair, Sanji basking in the soft attention. The blonde, needing more, decided to kick up the heat a little. 'Innocently' he brushed a kiss against his 'savior's' jaw. Zoro did nothing at first. It took a bit more teasing kisses to get Zoro to react in anyway. The big idiot. As Sanji slowly started his attempt at arousing Zoro, the swordsman said something which shocked him.

"You knew it was fake."

"Huh?" Was he not aware of what Sanji was trying to do? Black eyes met a blue one.

"The spider. You knew it wasn't real."

"How can you tell?"

"You're not shaking, nor are you being moody and upset."

"Damn it, aho. Just shut up!" Sanji promptly straddled Zoro, making him shoosh with a long and passionate kiss. Their lips seeming to melt together. "If you wanted me, all you had to do was ask! Or watch for my cues!"

"Huh?"

"Uhg..." Sanji gave up. On the getting-Zoro-to-comprehend thing, not the getting-Zoro-into-the-sack thing. "You're an idiot... but you know what.... You're my idiot." He once again pressed his lip's to Zoro's. His tongue darted across the green haired man's lower lip, his fingers lightly brushing up Zoro's chest. Zoro, finally understanding, grinned into the kiss, raising on hand to rest on the nape of Sanji's neck, bringing him closer in, and the other rubbing gentle, curling designs into the cook's hip.

You see, Zoro suffers from the common disease all men have. They can never tell if their 'girlfriend' is angry or wants to do something a bit more intimate. The looks are very similar, you know.


End file.
